Theme Verse:“Death and life are in the power of the tongue…” — Proverbs 18:21 (NASB1995)
“Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.” — James 1:19 (ESV)
A Lifetime of Hearing What Should Have Never Been Said
I’ve carried extra weight most of my life. Before some people ever saw my character, my calling, my work ethic, or my heart, they saw my size.
Because of that, I’ve been:
- shamed
- laughed at
- mocked
- criticized
- profiled
- overlooked
- and even treated as “less than”
—not because of my life, but because of my weight.
Some people think comments about weight are harmless.
They’re not.
They linger. They shape identity. They wound. And they don’t go away.
I’ve never been someone who overeats constantly. But historically, my body reacts to carbs differently than some folks. I can eat what others eat “normally” — and my weight packs on quickly.
Yet people assume weight = laziness or lack of discipline.
That assumption is sinful, unkind, and unbiblical.
The “Compliments” That Don’t Land Like Compliments
When I’ve lost weight through the years, I often hear:
- “Man, you’re looking really good now.”
- “Wow, you’re finally slimming down!”
- “You were a BIG guy.”
- “You look great these days!”
They mean well.
But inside I can’t help thinking:
“So… what did I look like before?”
Suddenly the “encouragement” feels more like a comparison — as if the old version of me was something to be ashamed of.
A Needed Word: You Can Encourage when people lose Weight — With Grace
Let me be clear:
Affirming someone who has worked hard to become healthier is good. It is encouraging. It is helpful.
Scripture tells us:
“Encourage one another and build one another up…” — 1 Thessalonians 5:11 (ESV)
But we must encourage with wisdom and grace, not with comparison or backhanded compliments.
Here’s how you do that:
Say this:
- “I’m proud of the work you’ve put in.”
- “I know the discipline this takes. I celebrate with you.”
- “I see the effort and I’m encouraged by your commitment.”
Avoid this:
- “You look so much better now.”
- “Wow… You finally lost weight!”
- “Wow, you don’t even look like the same person.”
- “I know your wife/husband is happy.”
Encouragement should lift, not label.
Support, not shame.
Celebrate progress, not criticize the past.
You can acknowledge someone’s hard work without diminishing who they were before — because their image-bearing dignity never changed.
Words Shape Children — Permanently
I was talking with my wife about this recently. Adults often speak carelessly to children about weight without even thinking.
It’s acceptable to tell a toddler,
“Wow, you’re getting so big!”
But when a child reaches 8, 9, or 10 years old, that same phrase hits differently.
Recently, a man in our community looked at one of my sons and said:
“Dude, you’re huge. You’re a big guy…”
He didn’t mean harm. It wasn’t ill will.
But I didn’t let it slide.
Without hesitation I looked at my son and said:
“Yep… the fat jokes just keep coming.”
Not to attack him — but to confront the moment.
We wonder why our sons and daughters mature into adulthood with body-image issues, self-hatred, insecurity, and shame. Many times, our own children will not say Yes to what God is calling them to because of these insecurities.
We must be careful with our Words!
The Comment I’ll Never Forget
Years ago, a close friend called after we hadn’t talked in a long time.
He asked,
“What’s everybody been up to?”
Then immediately joked:
“Well, I know what your son’s been up to… I saw some recent post on social media… he’s been eating.”
It burned me up.
Not because I lack thick skin.
But because remarks like that do harm — real harm. I’m thankful that my son didn’t hear the comment but it caused me to try to shield my children from such foolish talk.
As I think back to my High School days, I played basketball with our church team. I remember a christian man who purchased all of his truck parts from the auto parts store that I worked at and played for an opposing church in our community. He came into the store laughing and said, “My wife ask me last night when we got home from the game, “what is that young fat teenagers name that played on that other team tonight?” He thought it was funny… HaHa.. I wasn’t laughing. That happened in 1990 and a couple years ago I saw them in the grocery store and I didn’t recognize her. She had probably gained 75 lbs since I had last seen her. My flesh wanted to walk up to her and say something that would hurt her to the core. You see, that’s how sin works. God help us. We carry flippant comments like that for years and it causes all sorts of pain and it has the potential to bring out the worst in us.
What Scripture Says About Our Words
The Word of God does not treat careless speech like a small sin.
It treats it like a heart sin.
- “Every careless word… they shall give an accounting for.” — Matthew 12:36
- “A gentle tongue is a tree of life.” — Proverbs 15:4
- “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth…” — Ephesians 4:29
- “If anyone does not bridle his tongue… his religion is worthless.” — James 1:26
Weight jokes…
Body comments…
Throwaway remarks…
These are not “harmless.”
They are destructive.
They are unloving.
They are sinful.
God commands His people to be:
- slow to speak
- careful with words
- full of grace and truth
Especially toward children.
Why This Matters So Much
Because we don’t know the battles people carry.
Some fight genetics.
Some fight medical conditions.
Some fight metabolism.
Some fight childhood trauma.
Some fight eating disorders.
Some fight depression tied to body image.
Some fight shame they never asked for.
And Christians should be the safest people on earth — not the most critical.
A Word of Pastoral Challenge
If you’re someone who makes comments about weight — even “playfully,” even “innocently,” even “just joking”:
Repent.
Your words matter.
Your words wound.
If you’ve been on the receiving end, like I have:
Your identity is not your weight.
Your value is not your size.
Your worth is not determined by people’s opinions.
Your dignity is rooted in Christ alone.
A Pastor’s Prayer
Father,
Guard our mouths.
Forgive us for careless words that wounded others.
Heal those who have carried shame because of the speech of others.
Teach us to encourage with grace, not comparison.
Help us build up, not tear down.
May our words reflect the heart of Christ in all things.
Amen.
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Matt Alexander 
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